a day in the life of
i was asked today to describe what my average day looks like. so what's the easiest thing to do? take today, for example... but today wasn't an average day. or was it??
get up. make coffee, although i'm not likely to have time to drink it. leave the house later than planned, make it to the bus stop in time anyway. say hi to whichever students i see on the bus. get to school. attempt to organize whatever yet unresolved details of the day i can before losing my nerve completely. burst spontaneously into tears. listen to people tell me how easy things could be although they don't even understand what's wrong in the first place. go to class(es). try not to screw things up too badly. break. recover from whatever did go badly. make small talk (read: smile and nod) with whatever random teacher says something in my general direction. try not to take it personally when half of it's in english. go to next class, where i'm informed my services don't happen to be required during this particular lesson. think to myself, i should have just stayed home. pretend to laugh when someone else jokes that i might as well have just stayed home. contemplate actually going home. realize that if i do go home, i won't interact with another human being for the rest of the day. besides, i have to stay for a meeting, seeing as i'm on the list of topics to be discussed. try to mentally prepare for whatever catastrophes the meeting might hold. (that is, mentally map out quickest escape route after plan to sit as close to door as possible fails miserably.) survive meeting without having to make use of escape route. (literally saved by the bell!) lunch/coffee/mini-nervous breakdown with a teacher/friend. go make up errands to run "in town" before going home.
as one of my dear friends from home would say, "did i pay $25,000 a year for THIS?!?!?"
yeah.
because, see, actually, i did. (well, sort of, i'm not actually sure how much my students loans have racked up to, but really, do i even want to know??!) but you know what? i've learned something. a lot of things, actually. mostly things i haven't wanted to learn!! =) but things i need to learn anyway. it's a little like this:
O dark dark dark. They all go into the dark.
I said to my soul, be still, and let the dark come upon you
Which shall be the darkness of God.
I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope
For hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love,
For love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith
But the faith and the love and the hope are all in the waiting.
Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought:
So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing.
The laughter in the garden, echoed ecstasy
Not lost, but requiring, pointing to the agony
Of death and birth.
-selected lines from T.S. Eliot's the Four Quartets, East Coker III (emphasis mine)
what's the last line?? the last word? (and for the those who know the rest of the poem..."in my end is my beginning." yeah.
get up. make coffee, although i'm not likely to have time to drink it. leave the house later than planned, make it to the bus stop in time anyway. say hi to whichever students i see on the bus. get to school. attempt to organize whatever yet unresolved details of the day i can before losing my nerve completely. burst spontaneously into tears. listen to people tell me how easy things could be although they don't even understand what's wrong in the first place. go to class(es). try not to screw things up too badly. break. recover from whatever did go badly. make small talk (read: smile and nod) with whatever random teacher says something in my general direction. try not to take it personally when half of it's in english. go to next class, where i'm informed my services don't happen to be required during this particular lesson. think to myself, i should have just stayed home. pretend to laugh when someone else jokes that i might as well have just stayed home. contemplate actually going home. realize that if i do go home, i won't interact with another human being for the rest of the day. besides, i have to stay for a meeting, seeing as i'm on the list of topics to be discussed. try to mentally prepare for whatever catastrophes the meeting might hold. (that is, mentally map out quickest escape route after plan to sit as close to door as possible fails miserably.) survive meeting without having to make use of escape route. (literally saved by the bell!) lunch/coffee/mini-nervous breakdown with a teacher/friend. go make up errands to run "in town" before going home.
as one of my dear friends from home would say, "did i pay $25,000 a year for THIS?!?!?"
yeah.
because, see, actually, i did. (well, sort of, i'm not actually sure how much my students loans have racked up to, but really, do i even want to know??!) but you know what? i've learned something. a lot of things, actually. mostly things i haven't wanted to learn!! =) but things i need to learn anyway. it's a little like this:
O dark dark dark. They all go into the dark.
I said to my soul, be still, and let the dark come upon you
Which shall be the darkness of God.
I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope
For hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love,
For love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith
But the faith and the love and the hope are all in the waiting.
Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought:
So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing.
The laughter in the garden, echoed ecstasy
Not lost, but requiring, pointing to the agony
Of death and birth.
-selected lines from T.S. Eliot's the Four Quartets, East Coker III (emphasis mine)
what's the last line?? the last word? (and for the those who know the rest of the poem..."in my end is my beginning." yeah.
posted by be at 6:39 PM
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