the neverending story
wow. this blogging everyday thing is a bit much for me...
so... where were we... right. i've been in salzburg for three days, and i'm pretty much ready to come home. i definitely don't want to pay for another night there, and really, i'm just kind of done with the city. but my MFG didn't work out last minute, so i'm assessing the train situation. it looks like my last chance to make it all the way home is at 3 in the afternoon, but since it's already past two, there's no way i'm going to make it back to my hostel, get my stuff and make it back to the train station, get a ticket, etc. in time to make that train. after that, there aren't any more buses from the train station to where i live. but at this point, i'm kind of like, screw it, i'm NOT staying here. something will work out. and there are still trains to waldenburg--which, granted, is some 18 km from where i actually live... but hey, it's a hell of a lot closer to home than salzburg, and all i really want is to go home and sleep in my own bed, and i'm kind of hoping i'll find some nice person who'll give me a lift home. or, worst case scenario, i have a loooooooong walk ahead of me.
now before you all point out how reckless and irresponsible it is to take a train to the middle of nowhere, knowing full well there's no guarantee i'll have a ride home, i'll save you the trouble =) i KNOW that. but since when am i rational?!?! it's not exactly brilliant on my part, but at this point, i'm determined to get home somehow. and you know, where there's a will, there's a way, right?? (see, deep down, i really am an american!!)
so i get to the train station, get my ticket and hop on the train. everything's going fine, then, for no apparent reason, we just stop. nowhere near a station, just in the middle of this stretch of track. ooook. we sit there for some 5-10 minutes. then finally this lady makes an announcement over the loudspeaker--we're stopped for unknown reasons. great. i mean, that's reassuring, right? we sit there for another 10 minutes. finally she comes over the loudspeaker again--we were stopped because of a problem with the signals, but we'll be moving again shortly, and they apologize for the delay, etc. riiiiight. for most of this time, i've been sitting there reading, not really paying attention. i mean, i knew we were stopped. and i knew it had been a while, but i hadn't really thought about it in terms of how this would affect the rest of my travels. i look at the clock and realize that it's about 8 minutes til 9. the train was scheduled to be in stuttgart at 9:06, and we still have two more stops before stuttgart. my heart stops. no. no way. i'm thinking that if i don't make my next train to heilbronn, which leaves at 9:15, then there's no way i'm going to make it to waldenburg. i have to make this train. period. thinking that if i beg and look desperate enough, i might be able to convince the bahn people to ask the train to heilbronn to wait, i run through the train looking for someone to ask. but all the DB people are in hiding. we make it to the next station faster than i thought we would, so i'm suddenly hopeful that we MIGHT just make it after all. we get to the next station. i'm still holding my breath. this has to work out. it just has to. i have to get home. (not because i really have to be home, but because i want to be...) i grab my stuff and join the others waiting to get off in stuttgart.
there are 3 of us standing there, all clearly anxiously hoping we'll still be able to make our connections. the one girl's train leaves at 9:18. the other woman and i are both hoping to make the 9:15 train to heilbronn, but neither of us are really hopeful. we're already in the very first train car, so we'll have the shortest distance to run to catch the train, and we're half joking about having me jump out first to run and hold the train for her, since she has a suitcase to carry, and all i've got is a backpack. but just before we pull into stuttgart, there's another announcement over the loudspeaker. the train to heilbronn was unfortunately unable to wait, and those headed to heilbronn will have to take the next train in an hour..blah blah blah. the 9:18 train couldn't wait either. so the 3 of us are all standing there, dejected and somewhat resigned to our fates.
the train stops, and we all file out. the other woman heading to heilbronn tries to ask the conductor something, but he brushes her off completely and tells her to ask at the information desk. i lost her somewhere in the crowd, but weaved my way through the masses and made it to the info desk and ended up second in line. pretty impressive considering how many people were in the line that developed behind me. i turn around, and my friend from the train has mysteriously reappeared. so we go up to the counter together and tell the guy where we need to go. i'm thinking there's not a chance in hell there's going to be a train to waldenburg this late on a sunday night, but evidently, i was wrong--there was still one last connection--but it wouldn't get me there until a quarter after midnight.
somehow the prospect of an 18km hike home post midnight was just too much for me, and i turn away from the counter and promptly burst into tears. it didn't seem like such a bad idea when i was going to be getting to waldenburg at 10:30. but now after midnight??? and i was soooo tired. i mean, all i'd done all weekend was wander around salzburg, which doesn't sound SO exhausting, but i'd been getting up relatively early every day and walking for hours on end, which i actually enjoy doing... but now?? i just wanted to lay down on the train station floor right then and there and go to sleep. which i obviously couldn't do. so the next best thing? crying, evidently.
my new traveling buddy is confused. why am i crying? aren't i going to be able to make it to waldenburg? i explain that i live in the middle of nowhere, and there aren't any more buses that late at night, and who the hell am i suppose to ask to pick me up at the train station after midnight?? she feels terribly sorry for me and wishes she could help somehow. i shrug. i mean, yeah, it sucks, but what can you do, you know? that's life. (and freaking out about it certainly isn't going to get me there any faster.) she disappears for a bit in the direction of the toilets, leaving me a few minutes to pull myself together and come up with a game plan. basically i'm trying to decide which train station to sleep at.
i buy myself a cup of coffee--it's going to be a long night!! and my train buddy returns. on the one hand, it's nice that i'm not stranded here alone. on the other hand, i'm pissy and frustrated and tired and not exactly feeling social....but we've got an hour to kill, so we might as well get to know each other, right? so i start asking questions--mostly to avoid having to ANSWER questions =) she'd mentioned earlier that she'd contemplated taking the ICE from munich, so she'd have more time between transfers, but the guy at the train station had talked to her out of it--needless to say, she was regretting that decision! so i knew she'd gotten on the train in munich but had gathered that she was from around here, so i asked what she'd been doing in munich.
turns out she's decided to go back to school and is studying literature and art history and has an art history exam coming up and wanted to look at some of the paintings in real life again before the exam. i'm like...what?!?! i mean, she's older than my mom and younger than my grandma, but still old enough to be *somebody's* grandma, you know? and going back to school?? i mean, that's pretty cool, right? i guess she'd always wanted to study art history and had just never gotten around to it when she was younger--had gotten married and had kids and then lived abroad for a while, etc. so now i'm intrigued. AND i've calmed down significantly. i'm almost even having FUN chatting with this woman, you know? weird. ok. i'm slowly coming to terms with the situation. i'm not feeling QUITE as hopeless and desperate about the whole thing. something will work out. somehow.
we continue chatting; our trains arrives and we board--we now have to switch trains somewhere between stuttgart and heilbronn instead of taking a direct train, but oh well. we're still talking--i'd asked if she'd learned any japanese while living in tokyo, so we're discussing fun linguistic stuff. then somewhere during this leg of the journey, it occurs to her that she knows nothing about me, except that i'd been in salzburg for the weekend, and she'd clearly realized that i'm not german--i mean, it's pretty obvious!! so she's asks me where i'm from, england? scotland? i laugh. people always think i'm from england--which i don't understand. i mean, i've HEARD british people speak german. they have WAY cooler accents than americans =) but ok. so i tell her i'm from the US. ohhhhh, america!! this changes things, evidently. she thinks for a minute. she has friends who live in america. in tennessee.
*sidenote, because i got in trouble when i told this part of the story earlier: this ALWAYS happens. as soon as someone tells you where they're from, you try to make some sort of connection, right? "oh, you're from germany? my friend studied in berlin for a year." "oh, you're from america? chicago? i was in new york once." or "oh, i have a cousin there." something like that, right?? it happens with "foreigners." it happens with people who live in different parts of the US. it's just a part of life. but it's kind of funny, right? i mean, you'd agree it's a little weird?? i mean, maybe it's not that weird unless it happens to you daily. and it's really NOT weird--it's normal, i suppose. logical, at least. it's just funny somehow. or maybe just to me... i don't know.
so now she wants to know where i learned such good german--not in school, certainly? i laugh again. see, it's always these older women, usually former schoolteachers, that i meet on trains, who say things like this to me. ALWAYS. and ok, my german is decent--i can get around, usually get what i need without embarassing myself *completely* but i babble utter nonsense probably just as often as i say things correctly. and besides, basic questions like, "where are you from? what are you doing in germany?"--i mean, i've been answering those since mid-september. it's like learning lines for a play. i could say that stuff in my sleep--hell, i probably do!! all i'm saying is that being able to answer a few simple questions--of the sort you learn on your VERY FIRST DAY in german class--is hardly the litmus test for language proficiency. but i digress...
we get to whereever it was that we had to switch trains and do so. we join another older woman who had also experienced some sort of deutsche bahn drama/delay coming from nuremberg, so we exchange our list of grievances with the DB. suddenly, we realize the train hasn't left yet. that's kind of odd. then my traveling buddy looks out the window and sees that our train is delayed--we have to wait for another train to get it, and that train is delayed. great. it's supposed to be an 8-minute delay. i look at my itinerary. there's an 11-minute window in which i'm supposed to switch trains in heilbronn. that's gonna be a little close, but ok. we sit there and sit there. 8 minutes. 9 minutes. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. this isn't looking good. if i don't make my connecting train from heilbronn, i'm pretty much stuck there. and it doesn't look like i'm going to make it...
the calm that had settled in earlier disappears and the familiar damn-it-all-to-hell, you-have-GOT-to-be-kidding-me, this-CANNOT-be-happening, what-am-i-supposed-to-do-now???! frustration returns. this is all so ridiculous that i'm not even really angry--or worried, for that matter. i'm just blown away by the absurdity of the whole situation. the little old ladies are quite concerned about me now. what am i going to do?? i CAN'T sleep outside the train station. a young girl, all by herself. that just won't do. they start trying to figure out how much a cab would cost. no, that's too expensive. maybe there's a hostel or something where i can stay? they go on and on. the one woman--my new art student friend--had mentioned earlier--several times, actually--that she can't drive at night, otherwise she would be glad to drive me home. i'd thanked her for her concern, of course, but really, it wasn't HER problem, and everything was going to fine, i reassured her--and myself =) she'd also mentioned that i could stay at her house for the night and take the train the rest of the way in the morning, but we'd sort of dismissed the idea--at that point, i'd still had a chance of making it to waldenburg, and i REALLY wanted to get home that night and not the next day.
as it becomes increasingly clear that there's not a chance in hell i'm going to make the connecting train in heilbronn, my train buddy repeats her offer. i'm thinking about it. but i reeeeeaaaaally want to go home... we'll see, i tell her. maybe if it looks like i'm not going to make my train... she's somewhat annoyed--i mean, it's pretty clear that i'm not going to make my train. and i COULDN'T POSSIBLY stay at the train station. that's much too dangerous. she keeps giving me this look--it says, "you should just come with me, i'm telling you"... all i can do is offer, she says, it's up to you. i'm torn. i mean, irrational as it is, there's a part of me that is determined to get home, convinced that somehow, something will work out. but on the other hand, maybe this is the solution to the whole situation, staring me in the face??? i mean, we don't always get what we want in life, right? and isn't it time i grow up and accept that?? =) grrrr. what am i supposed to do?!?!?!?!
we're getting closer to heilbronn. both women are staying on that train. i'm the only one who would have to get out at heilbronn. and if i get off at heilbronn and DON'T make my connecting train, i'll be more or less stranded there until the trains start running again in the morning. so if i want to take her up on her offer--and a bed DOES sound really nice--i have to decide. now. i look at my watch. there still a very very very slim CHANCE i'll make my train... MAYBE... and i do SO want to go home... i tell the nice ladies i'm going to give it a shot, grab my stuff and stand up. they both look at me like, you're making the wrong decision, but suit yourself.
i stand there for a minute with the others waiting to get off in heilbronn. even on the off chance that i DO actually make the next train, AND the one after that... i still have no idea how i'm going to get home from waldenburg... i could walk/try to hitch hike...but on country roads in the middle of the night, where i'll probably just end up lost anyway?? or wait at the station and take the bus the next morning. either way, i'd probably get home about the same time!! this is absurd, i tell myself. here i have an offer of a bed to sleep in--in the indoors, as opposed to in the cold and soon to be rainy outdoors. what the hell am i thinking!??! i turn around and ask the woman if she's serious about the invitation. of course she is. alright then, i say, and sit back down.
she's clearly pleased with my decision. i'm still not so sure. i mean, it's a rational decision. and i don't DO rational decisions... but she seems to really want to help me, and let's face it--i need help =) we get off at her stop and throw our stuff in her car. as we're driving along, she starts, in true grandma fashion, fussing about all the things that people start thinking about when they have an unexpected guest: she's been gone all weekend and doesn't know if she has any food in the house; she wasn't expecting anyone, and the house isn't as clean as she'd like it to be, etc. very cute. i assure her it's fine, and i'm just glad to have a place to sleep, really. at some point, it occurs to me, i don't even know her name... and it's kind of awkward to ask now, isn't it!??! i mean, the only way to phrase that question this far into things is something like, "so what's your name anyway?" which almost sounds a bit accusatory. i suppose i could have said, "by the way i'm bethany," but then there's the whole weird german thing about names and titles, and i hate introducing myself with my last name, because that just seems weird to me, and it's, of course, almost weird NOT to in germany... but besides that, no one here ever understands my name the first time i say it anyway. deciding this is too complicated, and there's too much potential for awkwardness, i let it go. names are for losers.
we get to her house, and she gives me the quick tour--it is, predictably, perfectly clean, and there's plenty of food in the house. she insists on feeding me--really, do they teach this in grandma school!?! why do they always insists that you eat something?! she asks if i eat meat--umm, no, not really, i say, hoping not to sound too picky or ungrateful or something. she gives a knowing nod--" you look like someone who would be vegetarian." yeeeeaaaah i do. awesome =) after the midnight snack, there's showering--"to get the train dirt off of you"--and then it's off to bed. i was still kind of reeling from the whole thing, so it took me a bit to fall asleep, tired as i was. but when i woke up around 3 and heard it raining outside, you can imagine how grateful i was to be NOT to be outside somewhere, trudging along the highway or on a bench outside the train station.
we had breakfast together in the morning, and afterwards i looked through the photo album from her trip to the US. and somehow it just hit me how absurd this whole thing was. i mean, these things don't happen in real life, do they?!?! i mean, here i am just sitting in this woman's apartment, drinking coffee, looking at her photos like we're old friends getting together for the first time after she's returned from a trip... surreal.
obviously, i made it home after all of this--she insisted on driving me, actually, which was kind of funny. but yeah. i got home, and it was still raining, and my room was a mess, and everything suddenly seemed so...ordinary. except i did (finally!) clean my room. it was back to business as usual, except that every now and then, i'd stop and just kind of be like, umm, did that just happen??
so... where were we... right. i've been in salzburg for three days, and i'm pretty much ready to come home. i definitely don't want to pay for another night there, and really, i'm just kind of done with the city. but my MFG didn't work out last minute, so i'm assessing the train situation. it looks like my last chance to make it all the way home is at 3 in the afternoon, but since it's already past two, there's no way i'm going to make it back to my hostel, get my stuff and make it back to the train station, get a ticket, etc. in time to make that train. after that, there aren't any more buses from the train station to where i live. but at this point, i'm kind of like, screw it, i'm NOT staying here. something will work out. and there are still trains to waldenburg--which, granted, is some 18 km from where i actually live... but hey, it's a hell of a lot closer to home than salzburg, and all i really want is to go home and sleep in my own bed, and i'm kind of hoping i'll find some nice person who'll give me a lift home. or, worst case scenario, i have a loooooooong walk ahead of me.
now before you all point out how reckless and irresponsible it is to take a train to the middle of nowhere, knowing full well there's no guarantee i'll have a ride home, i'll save you the trouble =) i KNOW that. but since when am i rational?!?! it's not exactly brilliant on my part, but at this point, i'm determined to get home somehow. and you know, where there's a will, there's a way, right?? (see, deep down, i really am an american!!)
so i get to the train station, get my ticket and hop on the train. everything's going fine, then, for no apparent reason, we just stop. nowhere near a station, just in the middle of this stretch of track. ooook. we sit there for some 5-10 minutes. then finally this lady makes an announcement over the loudspeaker--we're stopped for unknown reasons. great. i mean, that's reassuring, right? we sit there for another 10 minutes. finally she comes over the loudspeaker again--we were stopped because of a problem with the signals, but we'll be moving again shortly, and they apologize for the delay, etc. riiiiight. for most of this time, i've been sitting there reading, not really paying attention. i mean, i knew we were stopped. and i knew it had been a while, but i hadn't really thought about it in terms of how this would affect the rest of my travels. i look at the clock and realize that it's about 8 minutes til 9. the train was scheduled to be in stuttgart at 9:06, and we still have two more stops before stuttgart. my heart stops. no. no way. i'm thinking that if i don't make my next train to heilbronn, which leaves at 9:15, then there's no way i'm going to make it to waldenburg. i have to make this train. period. thinking that if i beg and look desperate enough, i might be able to convince the bahn people to ask the train to heilbronn to wait, i run through the train looking for someone to ask. but all the DB people are in hiding. we make it to the next station faster than i thought we would, so i'm suddenly hopeful that we MIGHT just make it after all. we get to the next station. i'm still holding my breath. this has to work out. it just has to. i have to get home. (not because i really have to be home, but because i want to be...) i grab my stuff and join the others waiting to get off in stuttgart.
there are 3 of us standing there, all clearly anxiously hoping we'll still be able to make our connections. the one girl's train leaves at 9:18. the other woman and i are both hoping to make the 9:15 train to heilbronn, but neither of us are really hopeful. we're already in the very first train car, so we'll have the shortest distance to run to catch the train, and we're half joking about having me jump out first to run and hold the train for her, since she has a suitcase to carry, and all i've got is a backpack. but just before we pull into stuttgart, there's another announcement over the loudspeaker. the train to heilbronn was unfortunately unable to wait, and those headed to heilbronn will have to take the next train in an hour..blah blah blah. the 9:18 train couldn't wait either. so the 3 of us are all standing there, dejected and somewhat resigned to our fates.
the train stops, and we all file out. the other woman heading to heilbronn tries to ask the conductor something, but he brushes her off completely and tells her to ask at the information desk. i lost her somewhere in the crowd, but weaved my way through the masses and made it to the info desk and ended up second in line. pretty impressive considering how many people were in the line that developed behind me. i turn around, and my friend from the train has mysteriously reappeared. so we go up to the counter together and tell the guy where we need to go. i'm thinking there's not a chance in hell there's going to be a train to waldenburg this late on a sunday night, but evidently, i was wrong--there was still one last connection--but it wouldn't get me there until a quarter after midnight.
somehow the prospect of an 18km hike home post midnight was just too much for me, and i turn away from the counter and promptly burst into tears. it didn't seem like such a bad idea when i was going to be getting to waldenburg at 10:30. but now after midnight??? and i was soooo tired. i mean, all i'd done all weekend was wander around salzburg, which doesn't sound SO exhausting, but i'd been getting up relatively early every day and walking for hours on end, which i actually enjoy doing... but now?? i just wanted to lay down on the train station floor right then and there and go to sleep. which i obviously couldn't do. so the next best thing? crying, evidently.
my new traveling buddy is confused. why am i crying? aren't i going to be able to make it to waldenburg? i explain that i live in the middle of nowhere, and there aren't any more buses that late at night, and who the hell am i suppose to ask to pick me up at the train station after midnight?? she feels terribly sorry for me and wishes she could help somehow. i shrug. i mean, yeah, it sucks, but what can you do, you know? that's life. (and freaking out about it certainly isn't going to get me there any faster.) she disappears for a bit in the direction of the toilets, leaving me a few minutes to pull myself together and come up with a game plan. basically i'm trying to decide which train station to sleep at.
i buy myself a cup of coffee--it's going to be a long night!! and my train buddy returns. on the one hand, it's nice that i'm not stranded here alone. on the other hand, i'm pissy and frustrated and tired and not exactly feeling social....but we've got an hour to kill, so we might as well get to know each other, right? so i start asking questions--mostly to avoid having to ANSWER questions =) she'd mentioned earlier that she'd contemplated taking the ICE from munich, so she'd have more time between transfers, but the guy at the train station had talked to her out of it--needless to say, she was regretting that decision! so i knew she'd gotten on the train in munich but had gathered that she was from around here, so i asked what she'd been doing in munich.
turns out she's decided to go back to school and is studying literature and art history and has an art history exam coming up and wanted to look at some of the paintings in real life again before the exam. i'm like...what?!?! i mean, she's older than my mom and younger than my grandma, but still old enough to be *somebody's* grandma, you know? and going back to school?? i mean, that's pretty cool, right? i guess she'd always wanted to study art history and had just never gotten around to it when she was younger--had gotten married and had kids and then lived abroad for a while, etc. so now i'm intrigued. AND i've calmed down significantly. i'm almost even having FUN chatting with this woman, you know? weird. ok. i'm slowly coming to terms with the situation. i'm not feeling QUITE as hopeless and desperate about the whole thing. something will work out. somehow.
we continue chatting; our trains arrives and we board--we now have to switch trains somewhere between stuttgart and heilbronn instead of taking a direct train, but oh well. we're still talking--i'd asked if she'd learned any japanese while living in tokyo, so we're discussing fun linguistic stuff. then somewhere during this leg of the journey, it occurs to her that she knows nothing about me, except that i'd been in salzburg for the weekend, and she'd clearly realized that i'm not german--i mean, it's pretty obvious!! so she's asks me where i'm from, england? scotland? i laugh. people always think i'm from england--which i don't understand. i mean, i've HEARD british people speak german. they have WAY cooler accents than americans =) but ok. so i tell her i'm from the US. ohhhhh, america!! this changes things, evidently. she thinks for a minute. she has friends who live in america. in tennessee.
*sidenote, because i got in trouble when i told this part of the story earlier: this ALWAYS happens. as soon as someone tells you where they're from, you try to make some sort of connection, right? "oh, you're from germany? my friend studied in berlin for a year." "oh, you're from america? chicago? i was in new york once." or "oh, i have a cousin there." something like that, right?? it happens with "foreigners." it happens with people who live in different parts of the US. it's just a part of life. but it's kind of funny, right? i mean, you'd agree it's a little weird?? i mean, maybe it's not that weird unless it happens to you daily. and it's really NOT weird--it's normal, i suppose. logical, at least. it's just funny somehow. or maybe just to me... i don't know.
so now she wants to know where i learned such good german--not in school, certainly? i laugh again. see, it's always these older women, usually former schoolteachers, that i meet on trains, who say things like this to me. ALWAYS. and ok, my german is decent--i can get around, usually get what i need without embarassing myself *completely* but i babble utter nonsense probably just as often as i say things correctly. and besides, basic questions like, "where are you from? what are you doing in germany?"--i mean, i've been answering those since mid-september. it's like learning lines for a play. i could say that stuff in my sleep--hell, i probably do!! all i'm saying is that being able to answer a few simple questions--of the sort you learn on your VERY FIRST DAY in german class--is hardly the litmus test for language proficiency. but i digress...
we get to whereever it was that we had to switch trains and do so. we join another older woman who had also experienced some sort of deutsche bahn drama/delay coming from nuremberg, so we exchange our list of grievances with the DB. suddenly, we realize the train hasn't left yet. that's kind of odd. then my traveling buddy looks out the window and sees that our train is delayed--we have to wait for another train to get it, and that train is delayed. great. it's supposed to be an 8-minute delay. i look at my itinerary. there's an 11-minute window in which i'm supposed to switch trains in heilbronn. that's gonna be a little close, but ok. we sit there and sit there. 8 minutes. 9 minutes. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. this isn't looking good. if i don't make my connecting train from heilbronn, i'm pretty much stuck there. and it doesn't look like i'm going to make it...
the calm that had settled in earlier disappears and the familiar damn-it-all-to-hell, you-have-GOT-to-be-kidding-me, this-CANNOT-be-happening, what-am-i-supposed-to-do-now???! frustration returns. this is all so ridiculous that i'm not even really angry--or worried, for that matter. i'm just blown away by the absurdity of the whole situation. the little old ladies are quite concerned about me now. what am i going to do?? i CAN'T sleep outside the train station. a young girl, all by herself. that just won't do. they start trying to figure out how much a cab would cost. no, that's too expensive. maybe there's a hostel or something where i can stay? they go on and on. the one woman--my new art student friend--had mentioned earlier--several times, actually--that she can't drive at night, otherwise she would be glad to drive me home. i'd thanked her for her concern, of course, but really, it wasn't HER problem, and everything was going to fine, i reassured her--and myself =) she'd also mentioned that i could stay at her house for the night and take the train the rest of the way in the morning, but we'd sort of dismissed the idea--at that point, i'd still had a chance of making it to waldenburg, and i REALLY wanted to get home that night and not the next day.
as it becomes increasingly clear that there's not a chance in hell i'm going to make the connecting train in heilbronn, my train buddy repeats her offer. i'm thinking about it. but i reeeeeaaaaally want to go home... we'll see, i tell her. maybe if it looks like i'm not going to make my train... she's somewhat annoyed--i mean, it's pretty clear that i'm not going to make my train. and i COULDN'T POSSIBLY stay at the train station. that's much too dangerous. she keeps giving me this look--it says, "you should just come with me, i'm telling you"... all i can do is offer, she says, it's up to you. i'm torn. i mean, irrational as it is, there's a part of me that is determined to get home, convinced that somehow, something will work out. but on the other hand, maybe this is the solution to the whole situation, staring me in the face??? i mean, we don't always get what we want in life, right? and isn't it time i grow up and accept that?? =) grrrr. what am i supposed to do?!?!?!?!
we're getting closer to heilbronn. both women are staying on that train. i'm the only one who would have to get out at heilbronn. and if i get off at heilbronn and DON'T make my connecting train, i'll be more or less stranded there until the trains start running again in the morning. so if i want to take her up on her offer--and a bed DOES sound really nice--i have to decide. now. i look at my watch. there still a very very very slim CHANCE i'll make my train... MAYBE... and i do SO want to go home... i tell the nice ladies i'm going to give it a shot, grab my stuff and stand up. they both look at me like, you're making the wrong decision, but suit yourself.
i stand there for a minute with the others waiting to get off in heilbronn. even on the off chance that i DO actually make the next train, AND the one after that... i still have no idea how i'm going to get home from waldenburg... i could walk/try to hitch hike...but on country roads in the middle of the night, where i'll probably just end up lost anyway?? or wait at the station and take the bus the next morning. either way, i'd probably get home about the same time!! this is absurd, i tell myself. here i have an offer of a bed to sleep in--in the indoors, as opposed to in the cold and soon to be rainy outdoors. what the hell am i thinking!??! i turn around and ask the woman if she's serious about the invitation. of course she is. alright then, i say, and sit back down.
she's clearly pleased with my decision. i'm still not so sure. i mean, it's a rational decision. and i don't DO rational decisions... but she seems to really want to help me, and let's face it--i need help =) we get off at her stop and throw our stuff in her car. as we're driving along, she starts, in true grandma fashion, fussing about all the things that people start thinking about when they have an unexpected guest: she's been gone all weekend and doesn't know if she has any food in the house; she wasn't expecting anyone, and the house isn't as clean as she'd like it to be, etc. very cute. i assure her it's fine, and i'm just glad to have a place to sleep, really. at some point, it occurs to me, i don't even know her name... and it's kind of awkward to ask now, isn't it!??! i mean, the only way to phrase that question this far into things is something like, "so what's your name anyway?" which almost sounds a bit accusatory. i suppose i could have said, "by the way i'm bethany," but then there's the whole weird german thing about names and titles, and i hate introducing myself with my last name, because that just seems weird to me, and it's, of course, almost weird NOT to in germany... but besides that, no one here ever understands my name the first time i say it anyway. deciding this is too complicated, and there's too much potential for awkwardness, i let it go. names are for losers.
we get to her house, and she gives me the quick tour--it is, predictably, perfectly clean, and there's plenty of food in the house. she insists on feeding me--really, do they teach this in grandma school!?! why do they always insists that you eat something?! she asks if i eat meat--umm, no, not really, i say, hoping not to sound too picky or ungrateful or something. she gives a knowing nod--" you look like someone who would be vegetarian." yeeeeaaaah i do. awesome =) after the midnight snack, there's showering--"to get the train dirt off of you"--and then it's off to bed. i was still kind of reeling from the whole thing, so it took me a bit to fall asleep, tired as i was. but when i woke up around 3 and heard it raining outside, you can imagine how grateful i was to be NOT to be outside somewhere, trudging along the highway or on a bench outside the train station.
we had breakfast together in the morning, and afterwards i looked through the photo album from her trip to the US. and somehow it just hit me how absurd this whole thing was. i mean, these things don't happen in real life, do they?!?! i mean, here i am just sitting in this woman's apartment, drinking coffee, looking at her photos like we're old friends getting together for the first time after she's returned from a trip... surreal.
obviously, i made it home after all of this--she insisted on driving me, actually, which was kind of funny. but yeah. i got home, and it was still raining, and my room was a mess, and everything suddenly seemed so...ordinary. except i did (finally!) clean my room. it was back to business as usual, except that every now and then, i'd stop and just kind of be like, umm, did that just happen??
posted by be at 5:20 PM
1 Comments:
notes are for losers =)
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